(Excerpt from an interview with rogue film producer Haywood Hertz)
"...yeah, I know my critics will point to the fact that I left the country after Martina started complaining about the film as some kind of proof of my guilt, but the truth is much more complicated. Hey, I love Martina -- we made some great films together and I just knew that "The Abduction of Martina" would be the best yet. But then she comes to me and says she read the script and was uncomfortable with some of the scenes and wasn't going to do the film! Well, just one little problem there -- I'd already spent most of the money that I'd raised from investors; no Martina film and I'm buried six feet deep in horse manure! So Martina was going to do the film, even if she wasn't going to do the film, if you get my drift!
"That's how Claire Addams got into the picture -- no pun intended! Claire had done some work for me in the past and she's very, very good at what she does, which is mainly tying up pretty girls -- nice work if you can get it, right? Well I told Claire about my problem and offered her a nice fee if she could corral Martina and shoot the scenes in the script that our suddenly oh so delicate artiste was refusing to do! Hell, the rest of the film I could splice together from stock footage, a bottom of the barrel cast and other stuff with Martina I'd shot before -- problem solved!
"Well, Claire's a no nonsense gal and got right to work! I guess she put together a crew of tech guys -- lighting, sound and so forth -- who wouldn't worry too much about what was going on in front of the camera. Then, she went right out and grabbed Martina! Just like that, surprised her in the middle of the night, pulled her out of bed, tied her up and gagged herin her undies and literally carried her off -- If I know Claire, she probably got a few handfuls of Martina's luscious boobs too!
"And man, did Claire deliver on those scenes -- just brought those script pages alive! There's poor captive Martina tied to a chair in her skimpy little black nightie with a nice little black cloth between her lips, squirming around like she was really terrified by the masked weirdo coming after her -- who knows, maybe she was! And Claire made damn sure to pull out those magnificent Martina mammaries and surround them with an amazing web of rope! Then a sizzling bit of jeopardy with Martina roped into a naked package on a kitchen island with a red ball stuffed in her mouth and a strand of the black rope neatly cleaving her pussy lips! Oh, yeah, and then Claire adds this realistic dummy pipe bomb to ratchet up the suspense! Really, Martina should be grateful to me for giving her the chance to act like she's never acted before!
"But I think that the scene that played out best had Claire in her ninja suit forcing Martina to crawl on the floor as she tries desperately to escape from a cloud of poison gas! Of course, it's nothing but a smoke machine, but Martina was fantastic, rigged up in a network of rope on a polished wood floor and squealing through the wiffle ball Claire used to gag her as she writhed around! I can honestly say that I shed tears of pride at Martina's level of artistic commitment! For the finale, Martina looked properly pissed off at the hogtie Claire had contrived for her on a dinner table; can you blame me for calling her a tasty dish? Claire pulled the ropes so snug that our damsel in distress could hardly move a muscle and taped her mouth so that Martina's curses -- I heard my name in there more than once! -- were nearly inaudible!
"Well, those scenes cut together just great with the rest of the crap I shot! Claire got a nice bonus and the film has done excellent business in the venues where I was able to open it. Of course, Martina's use of that ugly word "kidnapping" made things a bit more difficult than I'd anticipated; I preferred to belive that we were just having a contractual dispute that I was attempting to resolve in a slightly unconventional manner! Yes, I found it expedient to relocate my offices to a country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the U. S., but my reidence here is strictly temporary. In fact -- and you are the first member of the media to whom I've revealed this bombshell -- I am currently in negotiation with Martina and her representatives! For a reasonable percentage of our masterpiece's gross profits, Martina will surely recognize that I was merely acting in her own best interests as well as my own! Just between us, she has admitted that she's quite proud of her performance and thanked me for giving her the opportunity to stretch her thespic muscles -- among other things, no doubt!"
